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The Ballad of Joxer the Mighty

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The Ballad of Joxer the Mighty, or simply Joxer the Mighty, was a ballad composed and sung by Joxer in his days traveling alongside Xena, Gabrielle, and various other heroes. (XWP: "For Him the Bell Tolls")

The cadence and style of the song was originally sung by Joxer's mother to him as a child. It was a point of contention for his brother Jett.

Joxer, the tidy.
He always inside-y.
Never hurts the other boys,
Even when they steal his toys...

(XWP: "The King of Assassins")

His original version started out "I'm Joxer the mighty; he roams through the countryside..."

He later expanded the song with minor changes:

Joxer the Mighty
roams through the countryside,
he never needs a place to hide.
With Gabby as his sidekick,
fighting with her little stick.
Righting wrongs and singing songs.
Being mighty all day long.
He's Joxer! He's Joxer the Mighty!
Oh, he's Joxer the Mighty,
he's really tidy.
Everybody likes him
'cause he has a funny grin.
Joxer! He's Joxer the Mighty!

Adapting the second verse, he changed the lyrics again after an encounter with Aphrodite, and a spell she cast on him.

Joxer the Mighty
he's very tidy.
Everyone admires him.
He's so handsome, it's a sin.
If you're in jeopardy,
don't call the cavalry.
There's a better remedy.
Although he doesn't work for free!
He's every man's trustee.
He's every woman's fantasy.
Plus, he's good with company.
It's Joxer,
I’m Joxer the Mighty!

(XWP: "For Him the Bell Tolls")

While under the influence of the god Bliss, Joxer regaled a love-struck Gabrielle with the song, and the two would sing a version together:

Joxer the Mighty,
He roams through the countryside.
He never needs a place to hide.
With Gabby as his sidekick,
Fighting with her little stick.
Righting wrongs and singing songs.
Being mighty all day long.
He’s Joxer, he’s Joxer the Mighty!

Gabrielle later sang the song by herself, when still love-stricken. (XWP: "A Comedy of Eros")

He later changed the point-of-view partially on the song:

Joxer the Mighty,
I roam through the countryside.
I never need a place to hide.
With Gabby as his sidekick...

(XWP: "The King of Assassins")

Due to his frequent trips to Meg's tavern, the harlots learned and sung a version of his ballad whenever he entered:

Joxer the Mighty,
Master of virility,
Every woman wants him,
He's so sexy it's a sin,
If you want a special tryst,
He's the man you can't resist,
By every measure he's a prize!
(Just check out my shoe size!)
Just check out his shoe size!
He's Joxer, Joxer the Mighty!
Joxer the Mighty,
captain of debauchery.
Never seems to get enough
of our tantalizing stuff.
If you need some company,
with Joxer there's a guarantee,
(of the highest potency!)
(Heck, I'd even work for free!)
(Take your filthy hands off me!!!)
He's Joxer, Joxer the Mighty!

(XWP: "Warrior... Priestess... Tramp")

While in Illusia, a version of Joxer appeared to Gabrielle and sang this version of the ballad:

Joxer the Mighty,
Master of geography,
Here to guide you on your way.
Stick to me, you'll never stray.
And if you're in a land that's new,
I'm the man who'll get you through.
Even when you're slightly nude.
I'm Joxer, I'm Joxer the Mighty!
(We're in Illusia...)
Being naked won't excuse ya.
Sing to talk, we're in Illusia.

(XWP: "The Bitter Suite")

When Gabrielle had her memory erased by Mnemosyne, Joxer sung the song several times to her delight, before becoming guilty over the entire affair. (XWP: "Forget Me Not")

Joxer was interrupted from singing the ballad by an old man who complained that the "meter was terrible." (XWP: "In Sickness and in Hell")

Millennia later, a reincarnation of Joxer, Annie Day, sang a similar song:

Annie Banannie,
she kicks fanny.
Dangerous with sword and knife,
learned her skills in that past life.
Never will you outfox her.
She's as good as ol' Joxer.
I'm Annie, I'm Annie the Mighty!
You should just meet her.
They don't come any sweeter...

(XWP: "Deja Vu All Over Again")

Background informationEdit

The Ballad, itself, was written and composed by Ted Raimi, who acted out the role, and he often re-wrote its lyrics for his several appearances.

During the end credits of "For Him the Bell Tolls," a more complete version of the original appeared:

Blood, valor, and victory! Hah-hah!
Joxer the Mighty
he's very tidy.
Everyone admires him.
He's so handsome, it's a sin.
If you're in jeopardy,
don't call the cavalry.
There's a better remedy.
Although he doesn't work for free!
He's every man's trustee.
He's every woman's fantasy.
Plus, he's good with company.
Look out! (Holy gee!) He's Joxer, Joxer the Mighty
Joxer, Joxer the Mighty!

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